Upon looking at the sidebar of other friends blogs, I noticed its been a good three weeks since I updated. My theory that something is wrong when people don't update their blog in a while is indeed correct in this case. I'll just be honest.
I am a mother and I have no idea what I'm doing.
If you had told me the following before delivery, I would never have believed:
- I would be falling asleep to Mozart lullabies...and keeping it on full blast until morning to avoid the chance of waking him up
- I could be more sleep deprived than during pregnancy. Turns out the combination of little sleep and the stress of sustaining a little life takes more of a toll than excruciating back pain and no sleep
- Taking a family picture could get any more complicated
- I can leave the front door with socks and shoes on him only to have them disappear by the time we reach the car door only 10 feet away
- I would ever forget whether I got around to brushing my teeth (Vile, I know...)
- My sink could and would overflow with dirty dishes
- I can do 2 loads of laundry daily without ever catching up
- The anxiety of leaving the house to run even the smallest errand is enough to send me to a mental institute
- My usual 3+ meals a day would quickly dwindle down to maybe 1, typically consumed sometime after 2pm
- All my basic needs would become secondary and ALL my thoughts would revolve around the hunger status of my child
I'm just bad at this. I'm trying as hard as I can, but am completely overwhelmed with what to do. I hear conflicting advice on absolutely everything. I read literature on both sides, and while I understand each side, I cant manage to formulate my own plan of action. I wanted to blame it on the anaesthesia, but its been a month and I still cant think straight. I can't remember anything I'm told, requiring Hank to come everywhere with me...which he is really starting to resent.
Given my awkward/frazzled state, I must say I am so grateful for the angels that have ignored my saying "we're great" and offered service.
Like the sweet neighbor (I've briefly met once) who brought over homemade chicken soup. Or the other neighbor who brought homemade bread. Or the other sick neighbor who notified the RS to bring meals (because she couldn't) from a ward we only attended once, resulting in a week of delicious meals. Or the fabulous family member who comes once a week to take care of me and deliver an incredible dinner.
I never could have anticipated what a change having a mini-Hank would be. Even though I'm shocked by my inability to get things done, I am so grateful for the little addition in our lives. I can't get enough of him!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Anxiety & Angels
Posted by Katie I. at 6:15 PM
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10 Words from the Wise:
I promise this to shall pass, and you will get a routine and not be so daunted by that 10 pound bundle of "joy." Thank you Aurlie, for taking care of my little girl! You are amazing!
oh my GOSH he is so dang cute! I can only imagine how you feel, but I KNOW that you are not a bad mom! No way! Don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing a great job!
Oh Katie!!! This is all totally normal. I had a break down a week after Lincoln was home. I just started balling. The lack of sleep was killing me. I told Will that he was going to have to take a turn getting up at night so that I could at least get a good 4 hour block of sleep. Are you still nursing? If you are I would HIGHLY recommend nursing in bed. Put the bassinet right by your bed so you don't even have to get up! The good thing about only eating once a day is you loose baby weight faster! Just make sure to drink lots of water. Yesterday I was looking for socks for Lincoln. He had 15 socks. None of which had a match. Your not bad at the mom stuff. The mom stuff just consist of running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Forget the house work for now and sleep when the baby sleeps. Get lots of paper plates.
Babies are hard to get. we have about 20 babies at the daycare all with different schedules and "rules" For each one. I'm not saying I know all the answers but I do have experience trouble shooting. Can I come over sometime and we can chat?
Wow! How do you like my novel?
Oh also what baby stuff do you have? Do you have a swing? Or a wrap that you can strap him to you with? Or a bouncer? Let me know cause you can borrow our stuff that is sitting in the basement.
Oh I totally feel your pain. I'm clueless about what to do and I feel like I should finally "get it" since this is my 3rd baby. If I've learned one thing though, it's to not stress about everything. After I had Hadley I felt like I had to get right back to normal life to show that I could do it all, and this time, I'm trying to not care so much. If there are no clean dishes/clothes/etc...oh well. Just stay in your pajamas and use paper plates:)
And make time for yourself. Easier said than done, I know but really, it helps to leave the house without a baby for an hour to regain some of your sanity. Even just driving around listening to the radio helps me after a day of stupid kids cartoons and lullabies:)
Katie he is so absolutely perfect and very very handsome.
Quit your whining.
Just kidding! I feel your pain girlfriend. I really wished we lived in the same city so we could suffer together. Kellen is beautiful!!!!
When things get complicated remember trying to think up a "business plan" for Team Trash. When things get discouraging remember planning, designing, and delivering on Grantwell's first annual report. You're all about taking on challenging tasks and managing to execute with maximum impact. You've got this.
That said and as Ariel says, there's no fatigue like new-parent fatigue. It does just get better. And he sure is a sweet little fella!
-Andrew
Katie, you look incredible! How do you do it!? Oh, and that little guy of yours is dang cute too. :)
As far as advice... once I stopped listening to everyone else's advice, I kind of figured things out and things improved. :)
But, in the meantime, I would love to come and visit you!
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