Rant

Dear Friends and Family: Count your blessings that I forgot to bring my phone with me to Target today.

Do you remember a time when you just felt awkward in life? I think of when I was in middle school. The school I attended required uniforms, resulting in at least a 2 year lag in my fashion sense. The uniform consisted of a Burgundy polo shirt and green plaid culottes (skirt-shorts). Due to my developing body, a youth shirt didn't fit quite right, so I was forced to wear much too large adult size polo. I never really knew what type of shoes this beautiful combo deserved: dressy or casual? or whether or not to wear socks folded down or straight up. I think I leaned toward wearing them straight up, as to cover as much of my furry legs as possible. (Barbie was a little protective of letting her little, yet big girl shave her legs...) Additionally, I had bangs. Do I fluff them, create a simple curl, or grow those suckers out--this was the question. I chose minimal fluff. All-in-all, I was a vision in popular 80's Christmas colors.

I revisited this awkward stage of life today in the dressing room of Target. I set out to find a bathing suit for Lake Powell next week. While my one bathing suit still somewhat fits, its certainly nice to have more than one option throughout the week, especially one that my little baby will be comfortable in. I started out in the maternity section, glancing at the selection of 5 elderly looking suits. The normal area consisted of primarily bikinis so I quickly gave up on my quest for a bathing suit. The one will do just fine for now.

In an effort to sport something reasonable at Powell, I went to the dressing room to try on 8 items. The dressing room attendant told me in a bratty voice that I could only bring in 6, setting a negative tone for my experience immediately. It didn't take long for the awkward middle school feelings to come flooding back into memory. Nothing fit. Regular clothes make me look like I'm suffering from the most unfortunate muffin-top of all time. Pregnancy clothes are baggy so I look like a frump. I want out of this stage. NOW.

I went to call my mom to have her console me during this difficult time. Even if she didn't understand, I knew she would certainly pretend to. If she wasn't home, I had a list of those I would call in mind....until I realized I left my phone at home. I never leave home without it!

I ended up purchasing the most random articles of clothing to soothe my emotions. I bought shorts, the short kind. I haven't worn these since pre-middle school, but the comfortable maternity band could not be ignored. Also, 2 t-shirts, 2 tank tops, and a bottle of spray on sunscreen to aid in the bronzing of my currently beautiful bod. The part that really set me over the edge was the grand total at the register. $80. As I walked out the red sliding doors, the smell of popcorn and reflection on spending almost $100 on things I don't want forced uncontrolable tears from my eyes.

The bag of shame is currently thrown on the kitchen counter. I can't determine if its worth the amount of money to feel marginally better about myself for a week or if I just need to suck it up, return the items and embrace this awkward stage of looking "maybe pregnant/maybe eating my feelings" for the next month or so.

Advice please.